I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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