So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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