Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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