Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
