i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
