I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
