Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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