you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
