I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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