went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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