Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
