and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
