Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just had sex bonerless
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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