hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
