i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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