Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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