She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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