i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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