i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
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