That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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