No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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