Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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