dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
