Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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