So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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