airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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