if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
