you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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