I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
