hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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