Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
