never play flip cup with pint glasses
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
