Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
