im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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