I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
