he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
