Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
