So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
