I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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