This is not my ceiling
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
