Someone shit on the floor
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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