If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
