YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
