using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
