there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
