So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
