One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
