We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
