I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
