i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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